Mommy is a What?

Tonight, we were running miserably late for bedtime.

I was like… Please brush your teeth. Seriously, you need to brush your teeth. Stop playing with the toothpaste. Why is there toothpaste on your arm? OMG, it’s all over your shirt! How is it in your hair? Did any make it in your mouth yet? NO?!?! Do I need to brush your teeth for you?

Finally, that magic offer of assistance did the trick… and the brushing began… and it took approximately nine hours and twenty-seven minutes. Seriously, is there any enamel remaining?

Moving on to phase two of the bedtime routine… potty time. “I DON’T HAVE TO GO!!!!!!” (Oh my sweet goodness, I can’t do this… Momma Bish… you do not need to sweat the small stuff today…)

OKAY! FINE! If you don’t have to go… that’s fine! Go to bed!

Ladies and gentlemen, I sh*t you not – with a flying leap… this child sprinted from the bathroom with a giggle and yelled, “I TOLD YA I DIDN’T HAVE TO GO, YA RAT!”

I whipped around, “What did you just say?”

Quite delighted with himself he repeated, “I called you a rat!”

Well, what in the… “You called me a…” Oh gosh… here it comes… a laugh was coming…”a rat?”

“Yeah… but like… I like rats.”

“WHAT?” I couldn’t help but laugh. Just sttoooopppp¬†calling people weird things!

“Please go to bed and stop calling people rats. It’s really not very nice.”

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know that. Will you snuggle with me for 5 minutes?”

“Only 4 minutes,” I said.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because you called me a rat.”

(I’m actually super nice and snuggled for like 8 minutes.)

Before people start freaking out and telling me I need to teach my kid some respect… chill out. One of his nicknames is an animal, so for him to call me a rat really wasn’t a stretch. We like to have fun and joke around… and we’re all a bit snarky, including¬†Munchie. Thanks for being awesome!

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