This morning, I exited the bathroom and was attacked by a screaming Munchie, running through the house at super speed, wielding Reese’s Pumpkins in each hand.
His tiny voice was yelling, “MOOOOOM! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOMA! MOOOOOOMMY,” as he frantically waved chocolate and peanut butter goodness in the air, just begging me to unwrap the treats.
Well, my little sir… I’m sorry to inform you… no matter how intense your meltdown is … there are THREE reasons you won’t be consuming these Reese’s Pumpkins. (And no, it has nothing to do with a peanut allergy.)
1. Um… it isn’t even 7am. Where in the world do you think you are? Gram’s house? I’m sure she would delightfully feed you chocolate at such an hour? Or perhaps you have mistaken me for Grandpa… who I know sneaks you candy and sweets at all hours of the day? (Pretty sure Bubby would back me up and scramble you an egg.) Now, what kind of Mom would I be if I let you eat this crap for breakfast? I mean, cake? Yes, cake is a valid breakfast food. But, Reese’s Pumpkins? No… simply not happening.
2. Those aren’t yours. That’s right… not everything in this house belongs to you! You are welcome to 95% of the consumables in this house… but Mommy has to draw the line somewhere… and I draw the line at wine, coffee, and Reese’s Pumpkins (you can have the Reese’s cups… but get off my Pumpkins). Do you not understand that these are a RARE, limited time treat that only comes around ONCE a year? Mommy has a very limited number of vices in her life… and these are one of them.
3. You wouldn’t even appreciate them. Remember that time I shared my ice cream with you… and you showed a total lack of disregard for my precious chocolate sprinkles? Well… it’s kind of like that… but times infinity. I know you would just shove the chocolate covered, peanut buttery goodness in your face and gulp it down without taking a moment to truly appreciate the artistic balance of flavor. So, unless your eyes are going to roll back in your head as the flavors melt together and dance on your palette… then you just need to move on and accept that Mommy isn’t sharing.
Go ahead… call me a b*tch. I don’t care. You can’t have these Reese’s Pumpkins.. but now that it’s after 7:30am… I guess it would be alright if I gave you a candy corn.