This morning, I woke up just knowing I had a post brewing deep down within my soul. Not knowing what to write about, I just let my fingertips gloss over the keys resulting in the following. Take it or leave it, this one isn’t meant to please. 

I keep referring to 2019 in eloquent terms that mask the hell it truly was. A couple of weeks ago, someone truly incredible gave me a piece of advice: give life’s hellacious moments time and space, acknowledge them, and make a list. Allow yourself to process the shit, and then give yourself serious credit for surviving the fuckery.

Last week, I finally made that list.

Y’all, I dragged my ass out of bed,  got a shower, bundled up, filled my “this is probably vodka” travel mug with coffee, and rolled out into the still of darkness that comes before dawn amidst the depths of winter. I went to my quiet spot, under my favorite tulip poplar tree. I sat just under the treeline, above the ambient glow of our city. As my night vision adjusted, I put the proverbial pen to paper and let my thoughts flow. 

My “Shit List” has two columns. One column for the shit and a second column for the attitude of gratitude/sunnyside/silver lining of each situation (because I refuse to believe life is entirely awful and even in the worst of times, I attempt to seek joy). Those close to me know the fuckery and this is no time to get bogged down in all of that. 

Instead, I’m going to sum up column two. 

  1. Badass co-parenting and greater stability for Munchie. It hasn’t always been easy, but we’re hella intentional about the way we parent… and it’s working. 
  2. Learning to lean in and ask for help. As someone who is continuously diving into causes, this may have been one of the most difficult things I’ve learned to do. 
  3. Healthy boundaries and solid friendships. I’ve learned to include people who support myself and my family… without judgment. 
  4. New beginnings and fresh starts. I have incredible opportunities on the horizon and I’m thrilled with the growing relationships in my life. 
  5. Humility and gratitude. Again, asking for help can be difficult… but I’m surrounded by like-minded people… helpers, doers, movers, and shakers. Together, we can do great things. I know it. I’m forever thankful for their presence (you know who you are) and the unrequited love and generosity my community has shared. 

From every situation, a lesson has been learned. While still, life offers so much uncertainty, I’m confident that even in the worst of times we are capable of learning and growing and, yes, even thriving. Despite the negative, so many positives have emerged. 

This week, column one, the shit list,  it’s going up in flames. Perhaps s’mores will be roasted in celebration. Honestly, I don’t really care. To toast my Shit List will be welcome. I’m grateful for so much –

and that’s the true celebration. 

Cheers – to you and yours and all that you’ve survived and everything that is yet to come. May you soar on the silver lining and be blessed beyond your wildest imagination. 

May you revel in the small things;

the brisk air,

the sun on your cheek,

and the magnificent sunrise.

But may you always find splendor in the omniscience of a cloudy day and comfort in solitude

(even you, extroverts)