Stop Touching Stuff

WHY THE FRUIT LOOPS DO YOU TOUCH/BREAK EVERYTHING WE OWN?!?!?! I swear toddlers are hard-wired to find anything and everything of value (crap… it doesn’t even have to be of value) in a given space and break it… usually in a way you never even thought possible. The first thing Munchie ever broke was our cable box… just days after coming home from the hospital… and that was just the beginning.

More recently, he has dumped coffee all over my laptop… twice. The second time, he carried my (cold) coffee from the kitchen to the dining room, climbed up on the chair, and tried to drink it… which resulted in coffee EVERYWHERE, including some in his mouth… so no one slept that night (like I could sleep anyway… as my poor laptop’s fate just hung in the balance).

Oh… and I was far too frazzeled to even update anyone on our winter play date with friends… when Munchie ventured into the off-limits formal living room at our friends’ house and THREW A MOTHER EFFING FABERGE EGG! (Their kid knows the room is off-limits… mine, not so much… and I certainly didn’t know WHAT was in the room.) By the grace of all that is holy… that thing didn’t even break. I seriously thought I was going to die.

This morning, Munchie was watching his daily dose of Yo Gabba Gabba and he started swinging the television. (Wall mounted TV on an arm, so it pivots. He is NOT allowed to move it… which means he does it all the freaking time.) We put our remotes on top of the TV, so he can’t reach them. Well… in all of his “Dancey Dance” excitement, the TV went swinging and the remote went FLYING, hit the ground, and busted into pieces. I didn’t even know a remote could open like that! I mean, sure… it gets dropped, thrown, etc all the time… and the batteries pop out… but the whole thing just busted apart! I tried to reassemble the darn thing… but failed. No buttons worked. Thankfully, P Bish rode in on a white stallion to save the day.

You know those coupon books kids make their parents? (Exchange this for a hug, one night off from doing dishes, or… I will clean the bathroom, vacuum the stairs, etc.) I want one of those… but I just want it to be filled with coupons that say, “I promise not to touch anything for one hour,” but knowing my kid… it would only be valid while he was sleeping (in which case, P Bish might want to use it one night when Munchie sleeps in our bed… since he likes to touch things with his toes when he sleeps… and spent all of Saturday night rubbing his feet in Daddy’s beard).