About 16 years ago, my sister and I made a pact. We vowed to NEVER let the other one buy a pair of “mom jeans”… and if we did… the other one was to slap us in the face. After today, I am just one step closer to a large red welt on my cheek.
About five months ago, I had a meltdown that landed me in the middle of American Eagle. I was absolutely determined that I would squish my post-pregnancy body into the jeans of my youth… no matter what it took. I walked out with two pair of non-maternity jeans… and I felt like a champion. Do you know how many times I have worn these jeans? FOUR TIMES. Can some one please tell me why the youth of America(n Eagle) don’t have butt cracks? I would need to duct tape these things in place to avoid being mistaken for a plumber. For some reason, I thought not fitting into American Eagle jeans meant that I had to spend the rest of my life in yoga pants, maxi skirts, and maternity jeans.
Then, today, something happened. I was getting ready for a work event and realized I literally had NO appropriate pants to wear. I was in a rush and headed to Kohls. I went straight to the women’s section and started grabbing anything and everything tan and green in the capri and bermuda shorts category. I was pulling this size and that size off the rack. When my arms simply could not hold another garment, I sprang toward the fitting rooms. I was moving at warp speed, putting something on, touching my toes, sitting down, turning to check every angle.
Each and every waistline came up above the “low rise” line… and I realized something. MOM PANTS/JEANS RIDE HIGH FOR A REASON!!! When you have a baby, your body changes. Some people snap right back to their pre-baby size (not fair), but most of us have a reminder bump up front, which might resemble the top of a muffin, when we wear low rise bottoms. Pants that come up higher help to hide this extra layer of love in our midsection. Genius!
I would like to clarify that I have technically NOT purchased “mom JEANS,” as nothing I bought was made from jean material. AND… if you think about it, I am a mom, so technically every pair of jeans I wear are mom jeans. BUT… we all know what “mom jeans” are… and there is a good chance that one day I will buy myself some.
So, if you ever see me walking down the street… rocking a pair of jeans and a giant red welt on my face… you will know I have fully crossed over into the Land of “Mom Jeans.”by