Before my husband and I were married, it was expressed by some individuals that I may not be mature enough to take his last name. They were right. Nothing amuses me more than putting names in at a restaurant, just so someone has to yell BISH when our table is ready. Oh, the looks we get. You would think someone was screaming obscenities across the place. Bah ha ha! My father was less than amused when I revealed the gender of baby by yelling into the phone, “WE ARE HAVING A SON OF A BISH!” I was immediately corrected and informed we were having a BOY and we would not refer to him as, “Son of a Bish.” Ugh… fine.

Well, I thought the fun was over. I thought that having a child would somehow alter my amusement levels and transform me into an adult. Well, I have news for you. it didn’t. Some of these freaking nursery rhymes and children’s books make me laugh like a middle school girl. You can’t tell me you don’t laugh, or turn 50 shades of red, when you read gems like, “Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat,” and lines like, ” Ride a cockhorse.” Oh, don’t look at me like I just said something dirty. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD… THESE ARE CHILDREN’S RHYMES!

Then you have the Dr Seuss Book, “ABC,” which repeats each letter three times… and I am tempted to take a sharpie to and cross out the triple occurrence of the letter K, in fear it will be the ONLY part of the book my son remembers and he will walk around chanting the letter K and I will be forced to walk around town with my head hung low, carrying the book with me to prove to people he is merely quoting the alphabet book we read all the time.

And please, don’t even get me started on the Dick and Jane series. I know Dick was, at one time, a common name… but this is 2014… and I just can’t handle it. Can’t we just call him Bob? Or Jim? Or Rick… if we really want to teach kids the -ck sound?

I’m just saying, our language has changed and new slang terms have crept into our lives. Perhaps we should take these into account when publishing children’s books. If older generations want to pass down stories and rhymes between generation, that’s cool… but maybe we should rethink the words we are publishing for our children. After all, I can’t be the only mother/parent/caregiver/literate story reader who is too immature for story time.