You are just sitting there… when suddenly… you get a whiff of something funky. Perhaps it was a toot. Maybe it was the dog. It could even be your imagination (phantom funk… it’s a real thing.)… or it could be POOP.

Pre-baby, we were warned by far too many people that sticking your finger in the diaper to check out the situation was only asking for trouble. Truthfully, I was completely shocked that people ever considered this to be a good idea. (Despite the advice they received… one parent in this household… not myself… did this without thinking… ehhem… Daddy Bish.) Why you would ever risk purposefully sticking your finger in a diaper of doom… well… it completely boggles my mind.

While sometimes, your child is wearing an outfit that makes a quick inside the diaper glance a reasonable option… more often than not… little ones are wearing some impossibly difficult contraption and their diaper is not “glance-able.”

We have now eliminated two of the five senses… and let’s eliminate that third sense… taste… which really should have been eliminated first. Taste, touch (though sometimes a turd can be detected through multiple layers of clothing…), and sight. So, that leaves us with sound and smell. One of my friends can hear her kid drop a deuce… but I’m not lucky like that. (For the record… I can’t ever hear it happen… despite my attempts to hone in on such a skill set.)

That, my dear friends, leaves me with the good-ole sniff test. After a small amount of market research (defined as myself and one other mom) I have determined that we all grow slightly familiar with our child’s… “aroma.” Therefore, most of the time, a small whiff of the tuckus is enough to determine if something has taken place. One major exception to this rule… thick pants and jammies. These garments often require a bit of a stronger sniff.

Several times, I have found myself in a position where the algorithm for my required sniff strength included some horrid miscalculation and a larger amount of “aroma” entered my nose and was processed by my brain… resulting in reflex that is known to scientists as the “poop gag reflex.” (Every parent, babysitter, or person responsible for changing diapers knows exactly what I’m talking about.)

Diapers for infants have a little indicator that turns from yellow to blue when the baby tinkles. If they would just take this concept and create some sort of mechanism… perhaps a flashing biohazard symbol… for offensive butts… I would really appreciate it.