I generally pride myself in being an upstanding citizen. I recycle, support my local small businesses, and am always willing to jump in and lend a helping hand. Sure, I may neglect to bring my trashcan around back from time to time… but in general, I’m a pretty fabulous and respectful citizen… until you piss me off.
When my husband and I bought our home, I checked out the schools, I took a look at the surrounding businesses… I liked what I saw. About a year after moving in, the grocery store at the bottom of our hill closed. For years, it sat unoccupied. I continuously asked for a Trader Joe’s. I mean… all I wanted was a cute little grocery store.
Well, you know what I got? A trashy furniture outlet with all the reject furniture (seriously… camouflage couches and orange recliners… this isn’t freaking Duck Dynasty… this is Frederick) the other stores can’t sell… and it’s all still SERIOUSLY overpriced (over $1,500 for a freaking camo sofa). Then, they are tossing a Dollar General next door. WTF?!?!?!
DID I NOT SPEND YEARS POLITELY ASKING FOR A TRADER JOE’S? WHY DO YOU HATE ME? Yes, despite the thousands of homeowners in our area… I’m taking this as a personal attack. So, the other night (completely out of retaliation) I did the only sensible thing. I took my toddler to the furniture store 30 minutes before they closed… and let him go crazy!
He climbed on couches, jumped on ottomans, checked out the bunk beds, and darted up and down the aisles. Sure… there wasn’t anyone in the store to disturb… and the sales associates really didn’t mind at all… and he wasn’t destructive or anything… but this was my form of quiet revenge.
I know I’m not the only one who is disappointed in the new businesses coming into our shopping center. As my mom pointed out, perhaps the hooligan teenagers will stop loitering in front of my house and go get a job down the hill… but I don’t really care. It’s not about that. Right now, it’s about me creating an imaginary war between Frederick (even though I know they had absolutely nothing to do with this… but I need someone to point a finger at) and myself.
I know this might seem ridiculous… but I need a little pretend drama in my life. NOW… who wants to have a play date at the furniture store?!?!
Side note: Munchie was exhausted when we left and slept like a champ… so this might not just be a one time event.